The Crow (1994). The only movie on this list which appears in my top 20 movies of all time. Wonderful settings, marvelous mythology, beautiful visuals. Bonus creep factors for the accidental death of Brandon Lee during filming. A movie so good I refuse to watch the sequel. How does it compare to the comic book? Beats the hell out of me, I’m too lazy to go find it. Me: A+ IMDB: 7.1 RT: 83%
Batman (1989). Even with Tim Burton at the helm, nobody at the time believed that Michael Keaton, who was formerly known as Mr. Mom, could possibly become Bruce Wayne. He surprised us all, and Jack Nicholson was marvelous, but it was really the peerless set design imagined by Burton that reminded us all that Batman is the coolest comic book hero ever. I’m purposely avoiding any mention of the horrible prince song that accompanied the film. Me: A IMDB: 7.9 RT: 75%
X2/X-Men 2 (2003). The first five minutes of this movie has the best comic book movie fight ever – Nightcrawler’s entrance into the White House. The rest of the movie is almost a let down, but there’s still some marvelous stuff here. A much-improved Halle Berry (see below), a marvelous Kelly Hu, Magneto’s awesome escape, some fun cameos and the well-handled introduction of the Phoenix Saga make this one a great one. Although I could stand to not see any more of Pyro’s teen angst on the next installment. Me: A IMDB: 7.9 RT: 87%
Spider-man (2002). A great film that nails the tone of the comic book. Good humor, great tone, and the whole cast does a good job. The primary complaints are that the ‘power-responsibility’ line is ham-handedly delivered in the script, and the Green Goblin costume is ludicrous. Bonus points for Kirsten Dunst in the rain, but be warned, this film doesn’t improve on repeated viewings. Except for Kirsten Dunst in the rain. Me: A- IMDB: 7.4 RT: 89%
X-Men (2000). This movie is impressive on multiple levels, in part because it so accurately describes the peril of the mutant menace timeframe, introduces all of the characters so ably, and captures the feel of the books so well. In particular, Hugh Jackman nails Logan. Sure, there are weak parts: Halle Berry’s Storm dialogue in particular is godawful, and she does nothing to help it along other than look good in leather. Which counts. Me: A- IMDB: 7.3 RT: 80%
Superman II (1980). When I was kid, I loved this movie. General Zod, Black Sequin Girl, and the voiceless Grunt rocked as far as villians go, and the love story is handled far better than the first film. The scene where Superman flees the scene, abandoning the city to the psychopaths was extremely touching for me as a child. So much so that I refuse to go back and watch it again, for fear of seeing the bad acting and horrible plot inconsistencies that my subconscious keeps trying to remind me are there. The first movie is precedent for this occurrence.Me: B+ IMDB: 6.4 RT: 78%
HellBoy (2004). A fun ride. My primary problem with the HellBoy source material has always been that I love the hero and hate his team. The Fish guy doesn’t exactly inspire empathy, especially with Niles Crane’s voice coming out of it. Still, the attitude of the book and the hero is nailed, and watching him take punishment is far more gratifying than, say, the hero in Passion of the Christ.Me: B+ IMDB: 7.0 RT: 78%
Batman Forever (1995). This is Jim Carrey’s film. The other actors might as well not even have showed up. When you combine Carrey’s plasticine-faced Riddler portrayal with the eerily colorful visuals that permutate the film, you have a marvelous little film to watch when you’re really fucked up. Just whatever you do- don’t watch it sober. Me: B IMDB: 5.4 RT: 53%
From Hell (2001). It almost pains me to write this sentence: Heather Graham is horrible in this movie and nearly wrecks it. Fortunately, the setting is marvelously delivered, and Mr Depp otherwise steps in to save the film. Me: B IMDB: 6.8 RT: 55%
Batman Returns (1992). There are two kinds of people in the world: those that think an army of killer penguins is ludicrously wonderful, and those who don’t. However, even most of the latter can appreciate Michelle Pfeiffer in a skin-tight rubber outfit. Me: B- IMDB: 6.5 RT:77%
Hulk (2003). Too much thinking, not enough fighting. Ang Lee does some neat stuff creating some Comic Book-like editing on the screen, and lord knows I’d pay seven bucks to watch Jennifer Connelly eat paint chips if that’s what was on. Nick Nolte’s portrayal of Bruce Banner’s creepy pop is great. On the other hand, the CGI on the Hulk gets pretty bad after a while. Also, the ending of the movie really falls off. First, the setup for the final boss fight is ludicrously stupid (”Let’s put these two superhuman death machines in the same room and see what happens”), and the actual CGI fight is plagued by the same fast-paced, dizzying pace that also ruined Spawn for me. On the other hand: Jennifer Connelly. Me: C+ IMDB: 6.2 RT: 60%
Spawn (1997). Not as bad as people will try to tell you, but it’s got issues. The biggest is that it’s a PG-13 movie for an R-rated comic book. The comic book captures some really sick shit, but the movie just kind of dabbles in darkness. Some of the effects were nice, but the final sequence was poorly degraded by some CGI company’s insistence that if you made things move REALLY FAST, then it would look SUPER COOL. When in fact, it just gives you a headache and leaves you wondering what the hell you’re supposed to be watching. Me: C+ IMDB: 4.6 RT: 31%
Men In Black (1997). Over-rated. Me: C IMDB: 6.8 RT: 90%
Superman (1978). You know what? I watched this again recently. It’s really not that great. Really. Go rent it. Mostly, the music, editing and effects don’t age well, and the plot is hackneyed. I mean, I thought that the whole reversing time thing was stupid when I was FIVE. Me: C- IMDB: 7.1 RT: 96%
MIB II/ Men In Black II (1997). The problem with both movies is that they try so hard to nail the perfect, cute touches that they let the overall plot fall down. I did like Frank the Dog, though.Me: D+ IMDB: 5.6 RT: 38%
Daredevil (2003). Dear god, is Jennifer Garner fun to watch in motion. Unfortunately, it’s just horrible to watch her act. The script is well into gawdawful, and the movie fails to convince you of the most important thing: that Daredevil can function better than normal people with his radar sense. Mostly, you come away thinking that you’d just end up with a horrible migraine if you saw the world the way he did. Me: D+ IMDB: 5.8 RT: 44%
LXG/League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003). A morass of bad plot so inexplicable that, if you try to make sense of it afterwards drunken with your friends, you’ll just end up getting more tangled and confused, as if you’re sinking in quicksand. You’ll hate the people who wrecked this marvelous license. Me: D IMDB: 5.5 RT: 16%
Judge Dredd (1995). I seemed to remember watching this when I was younger and thinking that it wasn’t that bad. Having watched it again recently, I can only conclude that I was severely fucked up when I watched the film. Because it really is that bad. Really. Let me put it this way: Rob Schneider was the high point of this film. Me: D- IMDB: 4.5 RT: 17%
Batman and Robin (1997). George Clooney brings a completely wrong smugness to Bruce Wayne. Alicia Silverstone porks out of her skin-tight outfit. Chris O’Donnell is insufferable. Ar-nuld’s lines are so awfully written and delivered that he almost seems like a parody of a parody of himself. The plot is a train wreck. The closeup rubber nipple and latex butt shots didn’t help. When I saw this film in the theater, halfway through the film, the entire audience gave up on trying to believe it could be saved, and started heckling it MST3K-style. This really upset the family in front of us, but for the rest of us, it was catharsis. This movie is BAD. It’s the movie that put down a franchise Ol’ Yeller style.Me: F IMDB: 3.6 RT: 13%
Recent Comments