It’s not even Valentine’s Day yet, but we have an early frontrunner for the Stupidest Thing You’ll Read All Month: Ralph Retort’s SHOCKING REVELATION that people get drunk at GDC (and the comments thread is even more hilariously idiotic than the article), and then collude (i.e. drink with people we like, instead of presumably alone in our hotel rooms). This article was the merit of widespread mirth and mocking on my social media network, mostly from people who, you know, are planning to go to GDC, and are probably going to FUCKING GET IT ON.
Just some notes for Ralph:
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- The sound of every adult over 30’s eyeballs eyerolling into the back of their skulls is triggered by the fact that you seem surprised that people at ANY PROFESSIONAL CONFERENCE IN THE WORLD find that the most interesting content is at the bar across the street.
- At GDC, these drunken parties are not plotted by the secret Jezebel man-hating cabal. Instead, they are thrown by companies like Sony and Microsoft. Early in my career, I faked my way into a Sega party by pretending to be Andy Hollis and found my way 10 feet away from George Clinton and his band playing. Which was awesome. Because life is an excuse to collect awesome stories, and this was one.
- Sometimes, these evil SJW drunkfests bus women in – I assume by ads on Craigs List – purely for eye candy due to the fact that the games industry – and by extension, it’s game conference – is a ridiculous sausage fest. CCP parties in particular try to create a gothy bacchanalia. Lots of people choose not to go to these parties and stay at the bars, because typically the music is too loud to talk. Also there isn’t any room for playing board games. Because, it turns out some game developers are massive nerds.
- GDC is NOT a small, niche show for a small clique. It is the largest show for game professionals in the world, and attracts tens of thousands of professionals, who give talks ranging from topics like how to treat women better in games all the way to how to improve breast physics. When you have 40000 or so developers on sight, you’re going to cover a LOT of different topics.
- Any game developer who shells out coin is welcome, and anyone who legitimately wants to break into the industry would be well-advised to join the GDC conference associate, as you get a free pass in exchange for helping keeping the thing running.
- Virtually every major league game developer you can think of has spoken at GDC.
- Yes, people get together with friends, catch up, connect with new, like-minded people. It’s called ‘networking’ and is necessary to land your next job or your next business deal. In the games industry, which is incredibly small but also has incredibly high turn over, you are stupid if you don’t keep your network well-tended and lubricated with an occasional beer.
- GDC is not a place where you show games or attempt to reach out to journalists, usually. Most time interacting with journalists is actually constantly reminding yourself and them that you can’t tell them what you’re working on. For that reason, most journalists opt to cover E3 or PAX instead.
- If you believe its wrong to play games made by a team that might have members who use drugs, you should burn your XBox now. Seriously, have you ever actually encountered a team of game artists on a Saturday night?
People who want to see Saint Raph at his most patient are well-advised to go read his many, MANY responses to idiocy in the comments thread. It’s quite hilarious. Meanwhile — I will be speaking at GDC, and for once it’s early in the week, so yeah, I’ll be spending most of it at the bar across the street.
That was my first time (I think) actually reading The Ralph Retort.
MY BRAIN IS IN PAIN.
OMFG, what an insane mess that is.
I have no idea how Koster kept anything resembling of his sanity after that. If that was Call of Cthulu d20, I’d have critically failed that saving throw.
These people really think they’re *helping* the game industry. Good grief, by the time they’re done purifying the industry of their imagined SJW boogymen, there will be like five developers left.
“That was my first time (I think) actually reading The Ralph Retort. ”
Count yourself lucky.
Wait, people play CoC d20? I thought the d20 craze died a while back.
See, this is why I would never succeed in networking as a game developer:
I don’t drink!
I wouldn’t know what to do with myself trying to hang out at a bar. It’s always so awkward. x.x
…oh, uh, I mean COLLUSION yes that’s it disregard the rest.
So as a 30ish “young professional” with a boring corporate career going not super far who also doesn’t drink, here is my useless advice.
Go anyway. Presumably you like some of the people you are trying to network with. Being slightly drunk doesn’t really change people crazy amounts. It might wind some of them down, you might have a weird conversation about religion, legalizing drugs, how to “hypothetically” fit in pineapple in a goat’s anus or all manner of things. But at the end of the day it is just hanging out with people that you probably kind of wanted to anyway.
You can always sit there and have a few glasses of overpriced Orange Juice (because they need something to make Screwdrivers out of), shout a few rounds for other people’s drinks and abstain from your own. Just go be social. Remember it is supposed to be SOCIAL drinking, that really is the key part. It isn’t a bunch of early 20somethings getting crunk at the club trying to black the fuck out for “fun”. It is people just testing the waters with each other in a socially accepted space for being less professional and less guarded.
There has been very few drunk people I have hated hanging around that I didn’t already kind of not want to hang around with when they were sober.
This. Also, game designers happen to be the sort of people who typically are more entertaining with some drinks in them anyway, because (a) we design games at bars, loudly and boorishly and/or (b) we tell the awful and frequently hilarious stories of how screwed up the industry is.
Oh, I know the thing to do would be to go anyway. I’m just bad at “hanging out” in general. Hanging out in a bar is even worse. (It’s a thing I’ve done before, particularly in college.) It’s just…not great, looking at history thus far. 😡
But that’s okay I was making a joke anyway. ;p
Raph Koster. I don’t understand how a person could be so patient. How does he do it?
He drinks a lot of orange juice.
I’ve spent a reasonable amount of time trawling through the contents of the GDC vaults over the years. There’s a lot of good, insightful, free content in there that covers an amazing range of aspects of the games industry. As an outsider it’s interesting to get such an indepth glimpse of what developers talk about.
That those developers are also people that like to socialise and catch up with friends that live in other parts of the country (if not a different country altogether) and engage in activities that are no different from the majority of people chilling out after a harsh week at work comes as no great surprise to me.
First time hearing about and reading “The Ralph Retort”. Hopefully it’s the last.
I often made a joke that if any Gator saw two mechanics or lawyers (or any profession) having a social drink at the bar they would react, “SUCH COLLUSION!!”
Nice to see that’s no longer a joke.
Is it real?
Is it so over the top that I wonder if this is a poe. On the other hand, the last months were so full of cartoonish stuff, this Ralph’s article isn’t so extreme, it just hopelessly stupid
I am supposed to be the guy who can’t figure social stuff because of mental issues. I bleeping hate alcohol and I am a loner but I understand that people tend to drink themselves stupid in informal situations. I don’t get the appeal but I am aware that the kind of stuff human usually do.
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Strange, your post has been here for 3 days and none of the “ethical journalism warriors” wrote a comment. They defended kiddy porn a few weeks ago and they supported intense harassment for half a year, this should be easier to justify.
But dat SVU episode tho.
Sorry, I don’t get the point and/or the joke.