So the ESRB has officially pwn3d Rockstar. ABC News pinged me this morning to ask me some questions about the Hot Coffee circus sideshow (I wonder what they googled to find me). So far, on the blog I’ve been avoiding much more than being snarky on the whole Hot Coffee thing, but I noticed that most other devs have wanted to retreat from saying anything more concrete than ‘this whole situation makes me sad.” So I thought I’d actually post some opinions on the topic. You know, for posterity.

1) Games are protected speech. The moment that you claim that games can teach children bad things, it becomes immediately apparent that games are speech. If games are speech, the first amendment most certainly protects them, and I would fight for your ability to make a game based on any topic, be it gangstas, white supremacy, bestiality, whatever (even if it’s not my cup of tea… er, coffee). Adults should have access to any of these on the marketplace of ideas. The marketplace will take care of itself.

2) The ESRB is important. The Supreme Court has ruled in the past, regarding other art forms, that “the innocence of the little children” are not good enough reasons to keep speech out of the hands of adults – but that it is reasonable for parents to have an expectation that they can maintain control over what their kids consume. This is why movies have ratings, CDs have stickers, and television with explicit language isn’t broadcast on network TV. The ESRB is our answer, and it’s effectiveness is crucial to allowing us to make games without fear of government censorship.

3) Rating interactive content is hard. These games can have hundreds of hours of content, and it’s almost impossible for any advisory board (whether voluntary or government-run) to be able to see it all. The ESRB requires you to submit a video of all of your game’s content — including your more extreme Easter Eggs. The sheer fact that no one found this content until a year after San Andreas shipped to shelves can give you a rough idea of how likely the ESRB is to get it right. This article describes well how it all works.

4) A lot of people in the industry are really pissed off at Rockstar. And they should be – not because Rockstar did a sex minigame, but because they didn’t report it to the ESRB. The net effect is that the ESRB looked ineffectual, when in fact ESRB’s processes provide an accurate rating 99% of the time. While unlikely, I would not be altogether unsurprised if Rockstar was sued by someone within the industry, such as EA or the ESRB, who felt that Rockstar had unnecessarily hurt the industry with their shenanigans.

5) The content was a red herring. Violence is the real issue that Hillary and Jack Thompson have with GTA: SA, but the sex gives them an excuse to talk about how the current process is broken. The difference between Mature and Adults Only is also a red herring. And yes, I know I’m one of the ones that pointed out that the Sims has sex, yet is rated Teen. The issue is not the content, it’s the fact that the ESRB was denied the ability to make that judgment call.

6) Education about the ratings system is still the most important thing. Part of our industry’s problem is that the ESRB does not have the cash necessary to advertise widely what the various ratings actually mean, and as such, many parents don’t realize that these rating systems exist. I hope that the large publishers realize how important this education is, and send the ESRB large checks to help educate the parents. I also hope that the retailers start realizing that enforcing the ESRB rankings at the point of purchase is important.

7) It’s clear that the ESRB needs to show more teeth. Where the industry is truly weak to criticism is that the ESRB appears to have little other power in this situation other than to change the rating. As long as this is the case, industry critics will claim that a government body would have more power to enforce against these kinds of actions. According to this article, the ESRB reserves the right to fine people who people who make a mockery of the system. What I’d personally like to see is the ESRB fine Rockstar enough money to pay for a massive PR campaign that runs during, say, CSI this fall.

8) Hillary screwed up. One of the strongest growing political segment is what I call the Slashdot Libertarians, a group of the young and tech-savvy who value their freedoms and currently waffle between the two parties which both collapse into puritanistic zealotry from time to time. These guys are going to become more and more important over the next five years, mark my words.

9) Jack Thompson is a tool. No, really. In the past, he ran against Janet Reno for Dade County State Attorney and claimed she was unfit to serve because she was a closet lesbian being blackmailed by the Mafia. This is the voice of reason of our opposition?

10) At some point, you gotta trust the parenting. I agree with Jason Della Rocca, in that parents have been given an altogether bad rap in this whole thing. Here’s what Parents need to know: A) The ESRB exists, and is accurate a grand majority of the time. B) PCs are more moddable than consoles – if you’re scared, give your kid a console. C) If you don’t know what little Bobby is doing, put his gaming machine in a common area where you can observe it. Protecting the kids from inappropriate video games is really NO DIFFERENT than protecting them from inappropriate DVDs, magazines, or websites, and to be honest, I think most people get that.

Anyway, I ran home at lunch to tape ABC News on the Tivo. I’m hoping it won’t be a hatchet job like the recent CBS News story on the topic. Hopefully, it will be more like the rather even-handed approach that the Christian Science Monitor took. I’m not hopeful, though. All the guy wanted to know was if there were other games with hidden easter eggs of questionable moral fiber (I could only point him to the Beefcake lurking in SimCopter).