So, Jack Thompson is still a tool. Now, though, he’s a tool focused on bigger game: the Sims 2, which I’ve noted previously, has breasts and is still rated Teen. Which of course, leaves me in the unusual position of rooting for Electronic Arts.

The interesting thing is that there’s a cheat code built into the game, which will unpixellate the naughty bits. This stands in sharp contrast with GTA: SA, where a patch is required for the PC version and the purchase of a Gameshark is required to unlock the content on the console. Metafilter helpfully provided some screenshots of what you’ll see if you do so. Be warned, though, you’ll go straight to hell if you see such naughty pictures! Let’s hand the soapbox over to Mr. Tool!

In the statement, Thompson says, “Sims 2, the latest version of the Sims video game franchise … contains, according to video game news sites, full frontal nudity, including nipples, penises, labia, and pubic hair.”

Um, see, here you’re wrong. As Jeff Brown from EA points out:

“This is nonsense. We’ve reviewed 100 percent of the content. There is no content inappropriate for a teen audience. Players never see a nude sim. If someone with an extreme amount of expertise and time were to remove the pixels, they would see that the sims have no genitals. They appear like Ken and Barbie.”

I’ve verified that this is, in fact, the case. And for the record, breasts without nipples are just plain creepy.

While mysterious that the existence of an areola is apparently the definition of porn, what you see is on par with what your 8-year old sees when she changes Malibu Barbie’s outfit. The sex is pretty abstracted (unlike GTA), with in-game cinematics and camera work that moves so dizzyingly fast that, shall we say, excitement is limited. Your exposure to nipple-less nudes are pretty much limited to them getting in and out of the bed, in and out of the shower, and in and out of the hot tub. If your kids are overly excited by that, they probably have more issues than a magazine rack.

If the ESRB caves here too, they’ll fall into the hands of everyone who tries to claim that they’re ineffective, so I fully expect for them to stand firm on this as long as possible. It should be easier, I’d think. The soccer moms that were scared by a GTA game that they didn’t understand have probably actually played the Sims. Given the sales numbers of romance novels in this country, they may even be delighted to hear that there’s a nude cheat.