One of the more annoying things about #GamerGate is trying to explain how it definitely started as a harassment campaign, but has long since migrated past that. It really sounds like the plot of a terrible sitcom episode. Based on that, I wrote the following.
George suspects that his girlfriend is cheating on him with a games journalist. So he writes a shitpost about the guy, starting a protest of a bullshit ethics complaint. The movement takes off, as people who legitimately care about ethics in games journalism and progressive games writing pick up banners. It starts to steamroll out of control, as George’s dad takes up the cause like a religion.
Frank: I refuse to live in a world where I can’t kill the hookers in GTA after they have sex with me!
George: But… you don’t even have a Playstation, dad.
Frank: IT’S THE PRINCIPLE!
Jerry tries to talk George into calling off the dogs, but George is embracing his new role as a de facto leader.
Jerry: But seriously? THIS is the stuff I’m supposed to be angry about? SHE GIVES THE GAME AWAY FOR FREE.
George: These people are all outraged! All the time! These people are my people, Jerry, and I am their King!
Jerry: So what you’re saying is, it’s a leaderless movement.
Kramer discovers that he can earn money on Patreon just shit talking other people who earn money from Patreon.
Kramer: It’s gold, Jerry! Gold!
Jerry: It’s just Reddit Gold, ya moron.
Jerry tries to distance himself from the whole thing, but he discovers that everytime he says “What’s the deal with Ethics in Games Journalism?” in his act, the crowd goes nuts. He keeps riding the issue, feeling guilty about it. He tries to stay as neutral as he can.
Jerry: And what’s the deal with Kotaku? I mean, ethics, schmethics, why do they keep running stories on weird Japanese shit I don’t understand?
Elaine goes to KiA intending to tell them they’re all wrong, but along the way, gets flushed and flattered, and becomes a proud member of #NotYourShield. This lasts until she mentions that she thinks Bayonetta is ‘a little bit sexist’, at which point she is disowned, her house is swatted, and her mailbox fills with gorror porn.
Kramer writes an angry letter to his landlord that is accidentally massively sexist. Return of Kings invites him to be a regular correspondent.
The whole time, George finds it impossible to keep the angry mob under control and focused on games ethics. Near the end, we discover that Newman is trying to shanghai the movement to harass feminists from his secret command base on 8chan.
Jerry: Newman.
Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry: But why?
Newman: The postal service hates feminists, Jerry. If they win, no more Playboys to deliver. No more Maxim, Cosmo or Victoria’s Secret catalogs. And then I’m just a junk mail delivery boy. And that’s just a life without meaning.
Jerry: You do realize you can get porn on the Internet now, right?
Based on this revelation, Jerry and Elaine decides to go onto the David Pakman show to disavow the movement. Unfortunately, he promises his fashion designer friend that he will wear a shirt of her design. The puffy shirt she gives him is a little bit tacky.
Jerry is contrite and eloquent. He talks about how he’s sorry, how everyone should be, and how people should all be worrying about more important things, like Net Neutrality, ISIS, Ebola, or the fact that Assassin Creed: Unity was clearly shipped before it was ready. People are genuinely moved. Things start to calm down.
Jerry: Can’t we all just get along?
David Pakman: Indeed. Certainly now, we can all agree it is time to move past all this.
Elaine: Isn’t that shirt just a little bit sexist?
Thank you for that. The shitstorm could use a bit of levity.
One caveat; as far as I know, no one has actually been swatted by anyone in GamerGate. At least two Gamergaters have been swatted, though. Elaine should have been swatted and fired for participating in #NotYourShield, since those are things that have actually happened while the converse hasn’t.
Citation requested.
Now write a lost episode in which a random member of the gang becomes obsessed with something trivial and quits their job so they can research and blog about it full-time, mocking people who take part without realizing that they’re just as crazy if not more so for being so single-minded about something so meaningless.
Seriously this is like weird parody of a mentally deranged person. “Today I’m going to write some script snippets as if Seinfeld were about GamerGate – that’s something a sane person spends time on!”
How is it even possible to be so obsessed over something so completely moronic? And yes, obsessed is very much the correct word!
It’s his blog. You still don’t have one.
Great point! The fact that I don’t have a blog, according to you (how would you know?) is super relevant?
Make fun of any more women for getting death threats lately?
I’ve suggested politely and less politely that you get a blog. You can write whatever you want on a blog. Coming on someone’s blog just to spitball something for not being relevant isn’t funny. It makes you look like a dick.
Be a dick on your own blog. You can also dredge up whatever you like on there and pick your own fights with strangers. It might be really empowering.
You should start your own blog about how I need a blog rather than commenting about it on here.
Make fun of any more women for getting death threats lately?
When you laugh at women who receive death threats the idea that I’m the jerk is a little less that persuasive. Sorry champ.
You’re still worthless.
And here you are, obsessed with his obsession. And I, in turn, obsess over your obsession with his obsession with their obsession. In recursive circles, we all spiral downward.
It’s turtles all the way down, apparently.
Funny trumps passing judgment over someone’s choices of how they spend their time. And I thought it was hysterical…I could hear the characters and their intonation when I was reading the dialogue. He captured their voices and personalities quite accurately.
I guess this means I’m way too familiar with both Seinfeld and #Gamergate!
It has you, this subject. I think your dog in this fight is bigger than you think it is.
I sympathize, because although I don’t see things your way I feel repeatedly drawn to the topic myself. Has there ever been so divisive a conflict like this one in gaming history? Holy flame wars of console versus PC or Japanese versus Western RPGs maybe come close, but normally folks seem to just move into their respective camps and websites and move on. Maybe the feelings around Jack Thompson’s efforts come close?
One that note the thing I find very compelling about the conflict is the swirling idea of a rising moral imperative. There are voices, some of them extremely popular, that are increasingly linking games to endemic societal issues, even if the evidence isn’t really there. I can’t imagine that anyone who strongly believes this can let that dog lie. If gaming has effects akin to, say, tobacco or drinking but not as scientifically demonstrable, isn’t there a need to act? And if game companies remain resistant, what steps are next? Isn’t there a moral obligation for legislation?
Maybe I’m not thinking about this correctly. I’d love to see an honest debate in this direction, especially with those who have the greatest media profile and seem to be eventually moving in this direction.
“Jerry tries to distance himself from the whole thing, but he discovers that everytime he says ‘What’s the deal with Ethics in Games Journalism?’ in his act, the crowd goes nuts.”
And that’s when I lost it. xD